When traveling by aircraft, I always like to allow myself plenty of time before the flight. One thing I hate having to do is the OJ Simpson run though the airport and security checkpoint. They would just tackle you and haul you off to airport prison, thus causing you to miss your flight, anyway. Arriving early also gives me the opportunity to sit in the lounge and people watch. Well, that, and eavesdrop on other people’s conversations. It’s not that I’m trying to listen, but people tend to talk loudly on their cell phones; like they are the only one in the room. I only get one side of the conversation so I make up the missing part.

The woman seated next to me in the lounge was talking to someone, I decided it was her sister, about someone or something named Tabatha. It may have been a child. It may have been a small dust-mop dog. It may have been a pet iguana. I’m not really sure, but evidently it had been doing something incredibly adorable as the caller’s only comments, whilst filing her nails, were “Oh that’s adorable!” “You’re kidding, that’s adorable!” “Oh, she is so adorable!” 11 minutes of the same comments, nothing else. I timed it.

The man walking back and forth through the lounge, just to make sure EVERYONE heard:

  • “They refused to put me on the upgrade list because I didn’t purchase an upgradable ticket”
  • “My frequent flyer status didn’t seem to matter to them. I don’t see why they wouldn’t make an exception for me given my status”
  • “I’m not going to pay for an upgradable fare. They should just do it for me given my status”
  • “I’m never flying this airline again. They don’t care about the passengers, only their revenue”
  • “They ‘claimed’ business and first class cabins had checked in full anyway. I bet some of those people don’t have the status I do”

11 hours to Frankfurt without the benefit of a bowl of warmed nuts or hot face towel: it was going to be a miserable flight for him stuck back there in premier class of main cabin. I bet there weren’t even fresh flowers in the lavatory. Yes, I had purchased an upgradable fare and had made the cut. I just smiled at him.

The woman across from me, whilst painting her toenails emerald green: “Uh huh” “You’re kidding!?” “Uh huh” “No sh-t?” “Uh huh” … The rhythm repeated unbroken. I made mental notes to see if she would screw up. She never did. It was impressive.

I had a three hour layover in Frankfurt and a 5 hour layover in Madrid on my way to the Canary Islands. More people watching. Move eavesdropping. It’s not nearly as much fun eavesdropping in a foreign country when the people speak a language you don’t speak or understand. I was too tired to read or play games on the iPad so I just stared at people to see if I could make them uncomfortable enough to change seats. I can always find ways to amuse myself.

2 thoughts

  1. You absolutely need to be a travel writer. I laughed as anyone who has ever been in airport would laugh. Green toenails? Really? Hope you are having a great time!

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